Trip to the Zoo

As my kids get older we starting having firsts and lasts.  Firsts are the obvious things such as my oldest son being first to finish elementary school and then first to go to middle school.  On the other end my youngest, Scotlynn, is having lasts.  She will be the last to finish elementary school and this year she is the last of my children to get to go the first grade Zoo trip.  I am not usually that cognizant of last moments.  So, it was my wife who had to point out this would be the last time I could go with one my children to the Zoo.  It sounded more like, “I am signing you up Zoo trip with Scotlynn, okay!”  I then asked why and she pointed out what was obvious to her that this was the last moment I would have to take any of my children to the Zoo with their class.  

I was happy to be signed up after being told the importance of the moment.  I got the day off and bought the prepacked lunches my daughter requested.  The only hiccup was that there would be no room for me on the bus.  I would have to drive myself and pay for myself.  I was fine with both as the idea of riding the bus full of first graders was an experience I would rather avoid.  So on the appointed day, I dropped the kids off at school and drove myself downtown to the Denver Zoo.  I left right away because my wife told me I would need to be there at the Zoo ready to help when the bus dropped off.  I was told the schedule was tight.  I arrived in good time, paid for my entrance, and headed toward the school entrance.  I was a bit shocked at the bustle of the school entrance.  It reminded me more of a busy downtown bus terminal more than a public zoo or maybe that was the other way round.  Buses from all over the local area and even from other parts of the state were arriving.  The Zoo staff being experienced in the mess had a line of buses disembarking students.  While other staff greeted new busses and prepared them to unload in their turn.  A staff member manned a white board with the names of the various schools listed.  As each bus would arrive he would mark down the time, bus number, and meeting location.  I noticed my daughters bus had not arrived as the schools name was present but no arrival time had been marked.  I walked over the flag where the school was supposed to meet after getting off the bus. 

I watched as bus after bus arrived and dropped off students from preschool to high school.  The arranged time for Scotlynn’s bus came and went.  I saw several buses from her school district come and go but none seemed to contain her class.  I walked over to the white board.  I noticed my daughters school had been marked down as arriving but how could that be I never saw anyone from Scotlynn’s school walk by me.  I made a frustrated call to my wife.  I was quite testy with her.  She was gracious enough to call my daughter’s teacher who informed my wife who then informed me the the bus had arrived they were waiting to get off.  My wife even supplied me a description what all the kids would be wearing as they were dressed similarly in order to be easier to keep track of.  I waited a little longer then finally the bus arrived and students matching my wife description got off and walked right past me into the Zoo.  No one acknowledged me and I didn’t see my daughter so I had no idea if that had been her class or not.  I then got a phone call from my wife stating they’d just walked by me.  I had to hurry to catch up with the group I’d been assigned.  Even despite the miserable start the day I had a lot of fun taking the kids around the Zoo.  I was amazed that we got from one end to the other seeing almost all the animals.  The six kids including my daughter listened really well and only at the end needed to be prodded into moving.  They walked and talked the whole time.  I have no idea what they learned but they saw a lot.  I took as many pictures as I could. 






It’s fun to get to do these things with Scotlynn.  I would love to hear any of you who have had a last that really meant something to you.  Please leave a comment, subscribe, and I look forward to posting more of my adventure for you.

Speeding Ticket- Playing the Game of Life

Tonight was family game night at my castle on Caley.  We played the Game of Life.  A classic game that I always remember because I was more interested in the plastic landscape than the game.  As we played the game, I found the random distribution of careers and salaries very ironic.  My oldest son was the lowest paid at $20,000.00.  His career pick was Police Officer.  My youngest son got to be a teacher with a $90,000.00 salary.  I am not sure what school district he worked for but I am assured it was not any public school here in Colorado. 

I don't know why we get dealt the hand we get.  God knows why.  He seems to think that what he deals us will make us stronger or grow us in some way.  I really hope that he's right.  I am thinking about two particular cards that God dealt me, my son's.  I find the mixture of there personalities and physical attributes strange at times.  Take my youngest boy.  He has had a high pain tolerance since birth.  He burnt his hand when he was very young on a night light.  We didn't know he'd done it until the church infant worker pointed out he had a blister on his hand.  The kid had burnt his hand not felt the pain then crawled around on the blister without one tear.  My youngest boy is short, stocky and great at just about any sport he tries.  All these physical attributes add up to a real boys boy.  That's what I thought.  My biggest difficulty with my youngest son is he emotional sensitivity.  He breaks down crying and weeping at the smallest insult.  His sisters seem to get a kick out of reducing him to tears everyday it seems

I have to stop myself from hardening him though.  I could do it.  Too many fathers have been in my place before.  They saw softness in their son's and couldn't reconcile that with the physical prowess they also saw.  So, they hardened the boy through brutalities or insults or the withholding tenderness.  I am not blaming anyone.  I hate weakness in myself.  I'll admit that.  But I get to make that decision.  I get to suffer my choice.  If I impose that viewpoint on my young son will I not be crushing him like flower beneath my boot? 

My second card is oldest son. If you don't follow my blog he is autistic.  That is one of the greatest blows I have ever taken.  I will freely admit that I spent years denying the facts of his autism.  I was not the best dad at those times.  I could even say that I was an emotional abuser.  I couldn't understand why more punishment was not straightening out my son.  Let me try and explain how I felt.

I was talking to a father at my son's school one day a year ago.  We had daughters in the same kindergarten.  We were talking about this and that when the topic of the special ed class came up.  My oldest son had just been admitted into that class that year.  I didn't share that fact with the gentleman I was talking too.  It didn't seem important.  We were talking about volunteering in classrooms.  My companion was telling me how he'd been asked to help out in the special ed room.  He stated he didn't like it much and asked the school not to be assigned it again.  He told me, "I don't know why those kids get such special treatment.  I could have those kids all straightened out in a few minutes if they'd just let me alone with them for a few minutes."

I know that some of you are horrified by that statement, but it's the reality that so many of us have to overcome.  I had to overcome it.  My son is autistic and nothing will change that.  I accept that he will take more time, more energy, and more love than anyone else can give him.  I have all those things.  That's what God thinks.  Some days God is right, and some days I think that God was wrong.  But in the end it's not about the middle of the game that counts it's the end.  Family game night showed me why.

My oldest, the under paid cop, ended up winning the game with the most money.  Not because he made money at his career, but because he collected the most "Life tiles."  A tile is a way of marking personal achievements.  Another way of saying it is he won because the way he lived "Life" not because he worked the hardest.  I want to win the game of life by the way I live it not because I worked the hardest.

My wife is calling me to her side so that's about all I have to say for now.  Please subscribe and comment if you have something to tell me.

Bold New Discovery

I am often amazed at how often my past reaches into my present.  When I was a child growing into a teenager.  I remember becoming obsessed with bow hunting one summer.  My dad didn't hunt at all.  Not even one time to the best of my knowledge.  I didn't know anyone who actually bow hunted.  I think that I saw a magazine in the grocery store one day and was hooked.  The obsession lasted about a year before I turned to other things.  I have not really thought about it since then.

So when my oldest son told me that for his "Daddy Date" he wanted to go to an archery range, I was not sure I was entirely comfortable with the idea.  I remember how to shoot a bow.   I learned to shoot at summer camp like so many others.  But the idea of standing into front of experienced archers with my ten year old son looking like a "weekend wannabe" didn't appeal to me.  I didn't have much choice though.  My oldest son doesn't express interest in much more than Legos and computer games. 

Based on the war stories of some other dads with autistic boys, I knew that letting him lose himself in the computer game world would not end nicely.  Imagine the worst junky you ever saw on television then multiple it by how ever old the kid is, not something I wanted to go through. 

My oldest son in the short one in the middle.

So around noon on Saturday, my son and I drove over to the only archery range/store in the neighborhood.  As we walked in I was thankful to see that there were only two other guys shooting at the range.  I could live with that much scrutiny.  I walked up the many counter.  An older woman with the bandaged finger told me immediately that my son would have to take a safety class (which began in an hour) before being allowed on the range. 

I was somewhat relieved to find out that my son would require a safety class.  I wasn't sure if he would like archery at all (he only just learned about it at his own summer camp) so if he made it through the class then he really wanted to be there.  I signed him up for the class.  We had a quick bag meal sitting in the parking lot while we waited.  At the appointed time, we walked back in and same woman with the bandaged finger took my son to fit him with an arm guard and finger tab.  She seemed to take to my son.  He was the youngest in the class.  I always worry that my son's autism will get in the way, but the woman with the bandaged finger patiently listened to him explain his summer camp experience and everything he knew about archery.

The final test- Pop two balloons.

Once the class got going, I started to worry that my son would not be able to pass.  They started out very close to the targets.  My son's arrows would bounce back at him ever so often.  Meaning he was not drawing back correctly.  But when the class moved back on the range everything worked out.  My son hit the target about eighty to ninety percent of the time.  After everything was over my son qualified for ten yards on the range.  He was ecstatic and has been showing off his graduation card to anyone who will listen to him. 

I hope that my son has found an activity that he can really excel at.  My hearts desire is to find particular thing for each one of my children.  That's about all I have to say about that, I hope each one of you have found your favorite activity.  Leave a comment about how your found that one thing that gets you through the day.

Broken Trees

I have always been a believer in God speaking through all kinds of events especially when your in need of it.  The problem is being open to God’s voice when he’s speaking to you.  This morning I wasn’t looking for God to speak his words of encouragement to me.  In my last post, I spoke to you about the rage that I have been dealing with.  Part of the has to do with being a parent to a child with a disability.  My oldest son is autistic specifically diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.  He can be a handful even at the best of times.  When you throw in three other children life becomes overwhelming very quickly.  I am not sure why God gave me this particular mix of kids.  Until this morning, I would have told you that it was my burden to bare.  

What I heard this morning was that I was given my kids so that I can see the greatness of God.  I get to experience it first hand.  And sometimes I am going to say, “I’m out. I’m done.”  Even in those times Gods still teaching me something through me kids especially my oldest son.  He has a love for the smallest and least of the world.  Why is it that those we call “broken” can give to those poorer themselves without a thought?  We who are “whole” have to be dragged kicking and screaming to spare a few cents for someone.  I cannot say that I know the answer.  What I know is that I’m not being “punished” or “burdened” by my son.  God gave him to me as his greatest blessing.  This is my talent.  I could bury it in the sand hoping to just get by without losing him.  Or I could invest in him.  I can see just how far he and I can go before the end.  I once thought that I was destined to be pastor.  I always thought that pastoring is how I would serve God’s kingdom.  I never thought that my service would be to my family.  I am finding that God gave me more than anyone could ever ask for in my family.  Mine is a flock bigger than any mega-church or temple.  I am truly ashamed to think of the ways that I have wasted my gift at times.  

I wasn’t sure how God was going to get me back on track after the rage of these past weeks.  I have fallen down before and crawled back before.  God knew what I needed this morning was to hear that he gave me great blessings and raising them will not be easy.  But in the end I will hopefully get to see them in their transformed bodies whole and glorious.  I know that’s what I heard.  I know that I am not alone either as evidenced by the hug my wife and I received from my relatives.  God was in on that hug, too.    

That’s all I have to say for this week.  Are you living with “broken” blessing?  How’s it going?  Are you ready to give up?  Leave me a comment with your thoughts.

Rage Issues

The last few weekends have been a nightmare.  I have not been this close to losing it with my kids for a few years.  I don't know what the root cause of the strife is, but I suspect that it has more of a spiritual attack than any physical factor.  (There's a topic for next week.) The kids have not been listening to me or my wife.  We have been trying to clean my daughter's room for three weeks, now.  I was not proud of the rage that I felt.  I showed my kids a side of myself that I don't like.

Rage is hard to deal with properly.  Especially when you cannot seem to calm yourself down.  I have been surprised at myself and my rage.  I always thought that men with anger problems at home were alcoholics or at least non-believers.  I never thought that I could possibly have problems dealing with my own anger.  That's where it started.  I was not realistic with myself.  I look back now and can recall angry moments as young man.  I never dealt with this anger.  I either repressed it or shunted it out of my life.  I never dealt with anger.  Anger isn't something that can be ignored for very long.

It is incorrect (I feel) to think of anger as only evil.  There is righteous anger that we can see demonstrated in Jesus' clearing of the temple courtyard.  Anger at injustice has spurred on many brave men and women throughout history.  So, anger has it's place inside us men and women.  But how do we deal with the uncontrollable rage that wells up inside when the kids are pushing our buttons.  Part of it starts with dealing with anger before you get angry.  Don't think anger will never come.  Anger is a part of you from early in your life.  I recently had to deal with several repressed issues in my life, and I found that they were at the root of a lot of my anger.  So, dealing with your inner turmoil is part of it.  I also like the strategies that "Love and Logic" taught me.  They teach not to take statements from your kids personally and kept your tone of voice calm and even.  The end result is like being a rock in a stormy sea.  The kids rage and yell at you trying to get a rise out of you.  But you stay calm through voice control and certain phrases.  Don't let them impart their anger onto you. 

What happens when I get angry anyways?  That's the hard part.  I don't know that I am yet an expert on calming down when I get worked up.  Somethings that have helped me over these weekends are stepping back and expressing my feelings.  Stepping back is important when you need to get your blood pressure back under control.  I have had some really good calming sessions while driving to my local coffee shop this last weekend.  When I get calm I then tried that other strategy.  I expressed my feelings to my kids and my wife.  I asked for forgiveness when I had done wrong, but I also let the kids know when they had hurt my emotions.  I found that they responded to my openness.  They expressed their hurts as well.  I felt more understood by them.  I don't know that they were able to work better but they tried harder.  I am trying to deal with my anger without letting it get out of control.  That's the best I can ask for right now.

That's about all I have to say for now.  What's some strategies that you us to deal with your anger?  Is the anger in your life caused by issues from your past?  Or do you need to express your emotions to your loved ones and ask for forgiveness?  Leave a comment about it.