Speeding Ticket- Playing the Game of Life

Tonight was family game night at my castle on Caley.  We played the Game of Life.  A classic game that I always remember because I was more interested in the plastic landscape than the game.  As we played the game, I found the random distribution of careers and salaries very ironic.  My oldest son was the lowest paid at $20,000.00.  His career pick was Police Officer.  My youngest son got to be a teacher with a $90,000.00 salary.  I am not sure what school district he worked for but I am assured it was not any public school here in Colorado. 

I don't know why we get dealt the hand we get.  God knows why.  He seems to think that what he deals us will make us stronger or grow us in some way.  I really hope that he's right.  I am thinking about two particular cards that God dealt me, my son's.  I find the mixture of there personalities and physical attributes strange at times.  Take my youngest boy.  He has had a high pain tolerance since birth.  He burnt his hand when he was very young on a night light.  We didn't know he'd done it until the church infant worker pointed out he had a blister on his hand.  The kid had burnt his hand not felt the pain then crawled around on the blister without one tear.  My youngest boy is short, stocky and great at just about any sport he tries.  All these physical attributes add up to a real boys boy.  That's what I thought.  My biggest difficulty with my youngest son is he emotional sensitivity.  He breaks down crying and weeping at the smallest insult.  His sisters seem to get a kick out of reducing him to tears everyday it seems

I have to stop myself from hardening him though.  I could do it.  Too many fathers have been in my place before.  They saw softness in their son's and couldn't reconcile that with the physical prowess they also saw.  So, they hardened the boy through brutalities or insults or the withholding tenderness.  I am not blaming anyone.  I hate weakness in myself.  I'll admit that.  But I get to make that decision.  I get to suffer my choice.  If I impose that viewpoint on my young son will I not be crushing him like flower beneath my boot? 

My second card is oldest son. If you don't follow my blog he is autistic.  That is one of the greatest blows I have ever taken.  I will freely admit that I spent years denying the facts of his autism.  I was not the best dad at those times.  I could even say that I was an emotional abuser.  I couldn't understand why more punishment was not straightening out my son.  Let me try and explain how I felt.

I was talking to a father at my son's school one day a year ago.  We had daughters in the same kindergarten.  We were talking about this and that when the topic of the special ed class came up.  My oldest son had just been admitted into that class that year.  I didn't share that fact with the gentleman I was talking too.  It didn't seem important.  We were talking about volunteering in classrooms.  My companion was telling me how he'd been asked to help out in the special ed room.  He stated he didn't like it much and asked the school not to be assigned it again.  He told me, "I don't know why those kids get such special treatment.  I could have those kids all straightened out in a few minutes if they'd just let me alone with them for a few minutes."

I know that some of you are horrified by that statement, but it's the reality that so many of us have to overcome.  I had to overcome it.  My son is autistic and nothing will change that.  I accept that he will take more time, more energy, and more love than anyone else can give him.  I have all those things.  That's what God thinks.  Some days God is right, and some days I think that God was wrong.  But in the end it's not about the middle of the game that counts it's the end.  Family game night showed me why.

My oldest, the under paid cop, ended up winning the game with the most money.  Not because he made money at his career, but because he collected the most "Life tiles."  A tile is a way of marking personal achievements.  Another way of saying it is he won because the way he lived "Life" not because he worked the hardest.  I want to win the game of life by the way I live it not because I worked the hardest.

My wife is calling me to her side so that's about all I have to say for now.  Please subscribe and comment if you have something to tell me.

Manly Man?

What is it to be a man?  That's not an easy question to answer; I know that millions of men before me have tried to answer that question.  My friends and I are starting to read a book titled "Iron John: A book about Men" by Robert Bly.  We are meeting as a group of Christ believers, men, fathers, singles, and husbands.  I haven't even been able to start the book yet, but I have participated in the discussions.  I was struck by the need in the group for many of men to come to terms with their jobs.  I heard quite a few men agonize over some desk job that made them feel more a trapped than a fulfilled.  I didn't saying anything during this discussion because of my profession.  I am a cop.  I am living the dream of thousands of boys and men.  And yet, as a cop why do I feel less like a man so many times?  What's happening?

It's not something that I can really accurately describe to everyone.  I have learned how to shoot, drive, and fight over the past six years of my life.  Still, there are times when I am cowardly and to scared to get out of my own car.  Most of the time, I am oblivious to the danger that I face everyday.  I get numb to it.  There are other times in my career when I have just shut down with terror at the people I come into contact with.  Why is it that I live the ultimate man's job everyday, but I don't always feel like a man sometimes? 

I don't think that I have all the answers for this problem.  I know one thing that gives me courage.  Several times during my job I have stopped and prayed for various things.  A back bone, calm, and ideas have all been on my pray list.  I know that each time I pray I get what I need in some form.  So, one thing that makes me feel more like a man is not the guns or the cars but the faith that I wield.  But that can be fleeting if I don't stay God centered.  Another thing that I know gets me out of the car is my own stubbornness.  I am my own worst drill sergeant.  I talk myself into an idea or plan of action.  Often, I am presented with easier ways out.  I have to make the harder decisions because they are usually the right ones.

In the end, I don't think that any man can say that a career gives him the fulfillment he is looking for in life.  I know God gives me the most life I could ever handle.  Sometimes it's hard to live up to even courage that God gives.  It can be scary not to fear.  Other times you’re your only life coach.  You have to give yourself that inner motivation.  What makes you feel fulfilled in your life? 

Have a good week and may the Lord keep you safe.