I am the Student

For those who follow Our Daily Bread, the November 2nd devotional really woke me up to some truths about my life. I am always struck by the way that God has been shaping and molding my life. It is not that I disagree with the way my life has progressed, but I am always weighing the possibilities. Some ideas seem better than others, or a job might be more attractive than another. But, I am always so worried about the future as though it were something that I were able to craft. Not giving thought to the idea that God is crafting my life. I may think I am making the choices but it is God who has the final say.

The passage on November 2nd talked about being a student of the Lord. I am learning what He has to teach me everyday. God gives me problems and tests to build on the work we have done in the past. It is humbling to think that my life can so simply be summed up in the image of student and teacher. Now that I have this metaphor before me, can I use it to be a real student of His teaching? Can I find the humility inside myself to listen to the Teacher. And as ever "Make my steps steady through Your promise; don't let sin dominate me." (Psalm 119:133)

Still in it

I am still here. I was able to get through my first Phase of Fti. I like my trainer. I feel like he has the best of intentions, but I also feel like we are two fundamentally different people. The way he talks to people, writes reports, and general things about how he does the job are very different from me. I am glad to say that I got along with him for the most part. I know that a lot of people do not think highly of him. It may be his attitude or the way he interacts with people. I have a hard time understanding. He is a Christian. But like many Christians I have meet in this profession they all seem bitter about something. Like the job has killed the hope and joy that God should give them. I don't know if it is time in this job or something about the job that takes away the hope. I have said it before that I will quite before I let myself get so depressed. I just hope that I can see it in myself before I become to bitter.

I am trying to get ready for the next trainer. I know that this trainer will not be the same as the last one and may demand more of me than ever. I pray that I can deliever. God has given my strength to get through the last few weeks, and I know he can give me the strength to get through this phase. I have not been working with any other trainees at all so I don't have anything to compare to. I know that God is using this to grow me and strengthen me. It must be working I feel so tired and soul weary. Till next time.