I have always been a believer in God speaking through all kinds of events especially when your in need of it. The problem is being open to God’s voice when he’s speaking to you. This morning I wasn’t looking for God to speak his words of encouragement to me. In my last post, I spoke to you about the rage that I have been dealing with. Part of the has to do with being a parent to a child with a disability. My oldest son is autistic specifically diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. He can be a handful even at the best of times. When you throw in three other children life becomes overwhelming very quickly. I am not sure why God gave me this particular mix of kids. Until this morning, I would have told you that it was my burden to bare. What I heard this morning was that I was given my kids so that I can see the greatness of God. I get to experience it first hand. And sometimes I am going to say, “I’m out. I’m done.” Even in those times Gods still teaching me something through me kids especially my oldest son. He has a love for the smallest and least of the world. Why is it that those we call “broken” can give to those poorer themselves without a thought? We who are “whole” have to be dragged kicking and screaming to spare a few cents for someone. I cannot say that I know the answer. What I know is that I’m not being “punished” or “burdened” by my son. God gave him to me as his greatest blessing. This is my talent. I could bury it in the sand hoping to just get by without losing him. Or I could invest in him. I can see just how far he and I can go before the end. I once thought that I was destined to be pastor. I always thought that pastoring is how I would serve God’s kingdom. I never thought that my service would be to my family. I am finding that God gave me more than anyone could ever ask for in my family. Mine is a flock bigger than any mega-church or temple. I am truly ashamed to think of the ways that I have wasted my gift at times.
I wasn’t sure how God was going to get me back on track after the rage of these past weeks. I have fallen down before and crawled back before. God knew what I needed this morning was to hear that he gave me great blessings and raising them will not be easy. But in the end I will hopefully get to see them in their transformed bodies whole and glorious. I know that’s what I heard. I know that I am not alone either as evidenced by the hug my wife and I received from my relatives. God was in on that hug, too.
That’s all I have to say for this week. Are you living with “broken” blessing? How’s it going? Are you ready to give up? Leave me a comment with your thoughts.
