Broken Trees

I have always been a believer in God speaking through all kinds of events especially when your in need of it.  The problem is being open to God’s voice when he’s speaking to you.  This morning I wasn’t looking for God to speak his words of encouragement to me.  In my last post, I spoke to you about the rage that I have been dealing with.  Part of the has to do with being a parent to a child with a disability.  My oldest son is autistic specifically diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.  He can be a handful even at the best of times.  When you throw in three other children life becomes overwhelming very quickly.  I am not sure why God gave me this particular mix of kids.  Until this morning, I would have told you that it was my burden to bare.  

What I heard this morning was that I was given my kids so that I can see the greatness of God.  I get to experience it first hand.  And sometimes I am going to say, “I’m out. I’m done.”  Even in those times Gods still teaching me something through me kids especially my oldest son.  He has a love for the smallest and least of the world.  Why is it that those we call “broken” can give to those poorer themselves without a thought?  We who are “whole” have to be dragged kicking and screaming to spare a few cents for someone.  I cannot say that I know the answer.  What I know is that I’m not being “punished” or “burdened” by my son.  God gave him to me as his greatest blessing.  This is my talent.  I could bury it in the sand hoping to just get by without losing him.  Or I could invest in him.  I can see just how far he and I can go before the end.  I once thought that I was destined to be pastor.  I always thought that pastoring is how I would serve God’s kingdom.  I never thought that my service would be to my family.  I am finding that God gave me more than anyone could ever ask for in my family.  Mine is a flock bigger than any mega-church or temple.  I am truly ashamed to think of the ways that I have wasted my gift at times.  

I wasn’t sure how God was going to get me back on track after the rage of these past weeks.  I have fallen down before and crawled back before.  God knew what I needed this morning was to hear that he gave me great blessings and raising them will not be easy.  But in the end I will hopefully get to see them in their transformed bodies whole and glorious.  I know that’s what I heard.  I know that I am not alone either as evidenced by the hug my wife and I received from my relatives.  God was in on that hug, too.    

That’s all I have to say for this week.  Are you living with “broken” blessing?  How’s it going?  Are you ready to give up?  Leave me a comment with your thoughts.

Rage Issues

The last few weekends have been a nightmare.  I have not been this close to losing it with my kids for a few years.  I don't know what the root cause of the strife is, but I suspect that it has more of a spiritual attack than any physical factor.  (There's a topic for next week.) The kids have not been listening to me or my wife.  We have been trying to clean my daughter's room for three weeks, now.  I was not proud of the rage that I felt.  I showed my kids a side of myself that I don't like.

Rage is hard to deal with properly.  Especially when you cannot seem to calm yourself down.  I have been surprised at myself and my rage.  I always thought that men with anger problems at home were alcoholics or at least non-believers.  I never thought that I could possibly have problems dealing with my own anger.  That's where it started.  I was not realistic with myself.  I look back now and can recall angry moments as young man.  I never dealt with this anger.  I either repressed it or shunted it out of my life.  I never dealt with anger.  Anger isn't something that can be ignored for very long.

It is incorrect (I feel) to think of anger as only evil.  There is righteous anger that we can see demonstrated in Jesus' clearing of the temple courtyard.  Anger at injustice has spurred on many brave men and women throughout history.  So, anger has it's place inside us men and women.  But how do we deal with the uncontrollable rage that wells up inside when the kids are pushing our buttons.  Part of it starts with dealing with anger before you get angry.  Don't think anger will never come.  Anger is a part of you from early in your life.  I recently had to deal with several repressed issues in my life, and I found that they were at the root of a lot of my anger.  So, dealing with your inner turmoil is part of it.  I also like the strategies that "Love and Logic" taught me.  They teach not to take statements from your kids personally and kept your tone of voice calm and even.  The end result is like being a rock in a stormy sea.  The kids rage and yell at you trying to get a rise out of you.  But you stay calm through voice control and certain phrases.  Don't let them impart their anger onto you. 

What happens when I get angry anyways?  That's the hard part.  I don't know that I am yet an expert on calming down when I get worked up.  Somethings that have helped me over these weekends are stepping back and expressing my feelings.  Stepping back is important when you need to get your blood pressure back under control.  I have had some really good calming sessions while driving to my local coffee shop this last weekend.  When I get calm I then tried that other strategy.  I expressed my feelings to my kids and my wife.  I asked for forgiveness when I had done wrong, but I also let the kids know when they had hurt my emotions.  I found that they responded to my openness.  They expressed their hurts as well.  I felt more understood by them.  I don't know that they were able to work better but they tried harder.  I am trying to deal with my anger without letting it get out of control.  That's the best I can ask for right now.

That's about all I have to say for now.  What's some strategies that you us to deal with your anger?  Is the anger in your life caused by issues from your past?  Or do you need to express your emotions to your loved ones and ask for forgiveness?  Leave a comment about it.

Rituals of Home

Superbowl Sunday, a hollowed day in our house.  Well sort of, I liked to watch the game if not because my team is playing (we will not mention the embarrassment that they were this year) but because I like to watch the game.  Few things in our society are cathartic as watching football teams battle it out for ultimate glory.  I believe in giving this day some kind of meaning because it's like marking off the end of a year.  Whether football holds any meaning or not to your personal life it can be seen as a ritualized campaign that our society goes through each year.  I like sharing that with my family, especially the boys.  My youngest son likes to watch for about ten to fifteen minute intervals but runs around a lot.  My oldest son has never expressed any interest in football before, but he sat through most of the game.  I think part of the appeal for him was the commercials and the hope that it would end early.  But it was fun to try and explain the concept of football to him with my wife.

I am not an anthropologist but it seems to me that we need some ritual battles in our society. Our society lives through these events.  Sport and contest our a way to unite with our neighbors.  I like to invite friends over to share in the enjoyment of the game.  This game was worth it.  My wife and I commented that the last few minutes were nail biting.  As I try to become a better parent, I find that I want to share more of my own rituals with my kids. 

Well that's about all I have to say about that.  If you have any rituals for your own family please share them in the comments section.