Rituals of Home

Superbowl Sunday, a hollowed day in our house.  Well sort of, I liked to watch the game if not because my team is playing (we will not mention the embarrassment that they were this year) but because I like to watch the game.  Few things in our society are cathartic as watching football teams battle it out for ultimate glory.  I believe in giving this day some kind of meaning because it's like marking off the end of a year.  Whether football holds any meaning or not to your personal life it can be seen as a ritualized campaign that our society goes through each year.  I like sharing that with my family, especially the boys.  My youngest son likes to watch for about ten to fifteen minute intervals but runs around a lot.  My oldest son has never expressed any interest in football before, but he sat through most of the game.  I think part of the appeal for him was the commercials and the hope that it would end early.  But it was fun to try and explain the concept of football to him with my wife.

I am not an anthropologist but it seems to me that we need some ritual battles in our society. Our society lives through these events.  Sport and contest our a way to unite with our neighbors.  I like to invite friends over to share in the enjoyment of the game.  This game was worth it.  My wife and I commented that the last few minutes were nail biting.  As I try to become a better parent, I find that I want to share more of my own rituals with my kids. 

Well that's about all I have to say about that.  If you have any rituals for your own family please share them in the comments section.

Defining Manhood (To my Son's Generation)

My oldest at the race track.

Last week, we had the racing event of the month at the kids Awana's program.  It is that time of year for the wooden car grand prix.  All my kids got to participate this year.  My oldest son won second in speed last year.  So, I felt like I had some pressure this year to help him build the fastest car we could.  My oldest doesn't quite understand winning and losing.  He's autistic and that means he believes that if he has his car perfect it will always win.  Put that on top of the fact that very few competitions kids get into have actual losers. I was dreading the idea of him losing.  Not because I don't want him to lose but because he throws a fit when he does.  I want him to learn the lesson that you don't always win but it's also hard to see him go through the pain.

This age is hard for men like me and kids like mine.  We don't really know what it means to strive for anything.  I was not raised to think everybody wins at everything, but I have had my life disappointments due the fact that I expected to have what my parents had coming out of high school.  My kids will have it much worse.  I really try to teach them about losing and winning, but the school system and popular culture works against me.  My oldest son won third in "Most Realistic Design" which is great, but is that the whole point of racing.  Isn't it to win the race?  Should we have tried harder to make cars that win races?

Victory!!!

Competition is good.  Kids need to learn that they don't always win.  Over this weekend we watched a movie about the X Games.  My family loves the grandeur of watching men defy gravity and push human limits.  I loved what Shaun White said during one of his interviews.  He stated that he loved coming in 4th or even 5th in a competition.  Shaun White is an olympic medalist in snowboarding and a medalist in X Games for both snowboard and skateboard events.  He said that coming in anything other than first gives him that fire or drive to go back to practice track and prefect his technique.  I could not say it better myself.  My kids don't need to win all the time because they may need that motivation to try harder.  And losing doesn't always mean you lose to some stranger or enemy.

The last competition in the movie is Skateboard Big Air.  The competitors Bob Burnquist and Danny Way are friends outside of X Games but were competing against each other in this event.  Danny and Bob preformed some amazing tricks.  Danny got hurt not once but twice during his runs.  You can see the concern of Bob written all over his face while watching his friend get up and try again.  To me (this is only my opinion of the events) it gives my kids a great example of competition that draws a pair of friends closer.  Whoever wins or loses competition brings us closer not farther apart.

Parenting Blindly

My Oldest Prince Joins the Denver Mounted Patrol

Recently, we took the kids to the National Western Stock Show.  It was exciting for all of us.  Last year, we went on the afternoon of the last day of the show because the tickets were cheap.  The problem is the tickets are cheap for a reason.  When we got there most of the show animals had left that morning.  On the trade show floor most of the booths were winding down so they had little to no interesting exhibits.  This year though we paid to see a competition and get there when show animals would still be around.  It was really fun.  The kids were very well behaved.  They got to see and even touch some show animals. 

My queen and I had many teachable moments during our visit.  I have been trying to create more of these moments with my kids.  My new years blog (click the title to read it) talked about my commitment to spending more time with my kids individually.  I am looking for those teachable moments where I can impart to my kids values and character I feel are important.  At the Stock Show, there are some great moments because of the fact that my kids are according to my Queen, "poor city kids."  They don't know a lot about big farm animals.  I don't know much either but we get to learn it together.  We also get to see the hard work that goes into show animals.

My youngest princess ready to ride

The Stock Show was a great parenting experience. I am finding that just taking my kids out without a clear plan in mind the rest of the time is not working very well.  We enjoy going out to get ice cream, but then we just sit there eating our ice cream and talking about frivolous topics.  "How was school today?" or "What would you like to do this summer?"  are good things to talk about but they don't really give me any openings to teach or impart things to my kids.  Actually focusing on my kids and their development is a lot harder than just doing the bare minimum.  I had an idea recently on some gifts that I could give to my princes to mark the transition from boy to young man.  Problem is, I don't want to just give them the items without some instruction on what being a man means.  Some of you might not have thought about before, but if you were given building tools without the proper training or instruction how could you build anything.  "You'd have to learn how to use the tools as you go," is what you might hear.  But doesn't that result in some missing fingers or some badly constructed projects?  Eventually, a person can learn how to use the tools they've been given but not without some pain.  Pain that can be diminished if not avoided with the proper training.  So, where am I going to find the proper instruction?  Unfortunately, our society doesn't really have the proper instructions. That's why so many men aren't really men.  I am going to have to craft instructions myself from my faith, my experience, and my heart.  Stay tuned to find out how it goes.

Well that's about all I have to say for now, God inspire me to give my kids the proper instruction to life in this world.  Amen.