Defining Manhood (To my Son's Generation)

My oldest at the race track.

Last week, we had the racing event of the month at the kids Awana's program.  It is that time of year for the wooden car grand prix.  All my kids got to participate this year.  My oldest son won second in speed last year.  So, I felt like I had some pressure this year to help him build the fastest car we could.  My oldest doesn't quite understand winning and losing.  He's autistic and that means he believes that if he has his car perfect it will always win.  Put that on top of the fact that very few competitions kids get into have actual losers. I was dreading the idea of him losing.  Not because I don't want him to lose but because he throws a fit when he does.  I want him to learn the lesson that you don't always win but it's also hard to see him go through the pain.

This age is hard for men like me and kids like mine.  We don't really know what it means to strive for anything.  I was not raised to think everybody wins at everything, but I have had my life disappointments due the fact that I expected to have what my parents had coming out of high school.  My kids will have it much worse.  I really try to teach them about losing and winning, but the school system and popular culture works against me.  My oldest son won third in "Most Realistic Design" which is great, but is that the whole point of racing.  Isn't it to win the race?  Should we have tried harder to make cars that win races?

Victory!!!

Competition is good.  Kids need to learn that they don't always win.  Over this weekend we watched a movie about the X Games.  My family loves the grandeur of watching men defy gravity and push human limits.  I loved what Shaun White said during one of his interviews.  He stated that he loved coming in 4th or even 5th in a competition.  Shaun White is an olympic medalist in snowboarding and a medalist in X Games for both snowboard and skateboard events.  He said that coming in anything other than first gives him that fire or drive to go back to practice track and prefect his technique.  I could not say it better myself.  My kids don't need to win all the time because they may need that motivation to try harder.  And losing doesn't always mean you lose to some stranger or enemy.

The last competition in the movie is Skateboard Big Air.  The competitors Bob Burnquist and Danny Way are friends outside of X Games but were competing against each other in this event.  Danny and Bob preformed some amazing tricks.  Danny got hurt not once but twice during his runs.  You can see the concern of Bob written all over his face while watching his friend get up and try again.  To me (this is only my opinion of the events) it gives my kids a great example of competition that draws a pair of friends closer.  Whoever wins or loses competition brings us closer not farther apart.