I recently had to retire one my most trusted parenting tools (ie threats) that I have to use with my oldest son and oldest daughter. My wife and I made the decision that the two oldest children could no longer be spanked as punishment or discipline. I made the decision because I felt that I was using that discipline to much and too easily. There is also a point at which as a parent you have to grow up and change things up. I cannot keep trying to spank a teenager. It might do some teenagers some good but that it not what I want for my children.
Giving up spanking for me really has been hard because I don't really see the effectiveness of time-outs. I feel like the child just takes the time-out and is laughing at the parents the whole time. I know that there has to be some studies out there that say that physical discipline is not as good as time-outs but that's not how I was raised. I originally thought it should be "spare the rod spoil the child."
But recently, I read the Message translation and it opened my eyes.
24 A refusal to correct is a refusal to love;
love your children by disciplining them. (Proverbs 13:24, The Message)
I feel like the passage is not calling me to beat my children into submission. I am called to discipline them with wisdom. That means the discipline that leads to love and correction. It is hard to change how my understanding but I really want my children to love me not fear me.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Sick Day from the Blog
Ok, so you may be wondering why I am blogging about a sick day but even I have to take a sick day. I got a nasty cold this weekend that has burned up my creative energy. So see you next week with another fabulous and interiging blog about my life.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
What happens when you cannot find joy in it anymore?
"What happens when you cannot find joy in your past times anymore? That sounds more shallow than I'm intending. This weekend was my annual paintball weekend in east Colorado. I have been to this event for four years in a row. I have had fun almost every year but this one. I cannot say if it is the event itself, or the fact that I don't find pleasure in my past time anymore."
I wrote this statement down right after I had gotten back after a really unpleasing day of a weekend long scenario paintball game. I never published the comment for a reason that as of right now escape me. I think that I may have worried that someone close to me that helped me attend the scenario game would be offended by my lack of appreciation. Since that day, I have played paintball only one other time. I did have fun, but as always I played at a cost. Paintball is not a sport that I can share with anyone other than my friends who play paintball. My wife doesn't want to go out the games just to sit in the parking lot waiting for my to come off the field. My sons at this point are not old enough to participate, and I really don't think that I want my oldest son getting into paintball. He would be so damaged if he ever were to get hurt in a game. My son would also not really understand the paintball game and a real battle. That means paintball pulls me away or at least drives a wedge in between my and my family. It means I never feel that good after the game as I do when I'm going to the game.
The result of all the factors listed is that for a while I have been thinking about ending my paintballing pastime. I've separated myself for paintball before. When I was a senior in high school I sold all my paintball gear because I stopped hanging out with anyone who played paintball. It's no fun when your the only one of your friends still holding on to something everyone else has given up. I moved on and grew up. Through circumstances of life I began to play paintball again during my early married life. I spent a lot of money to get where I am today. I really don't think that I can say that very much of the money I spent was worthwhile.
So, now I am at the same crossroad that I was back in my senior year of high school. It feels a bit like I circled round this long loop in life, and now I'm stumbling back on to the territory that found myself in all those years ago. What really scares me this time is that it feels like I am going to give up on paintball forever. It sounds a bit melodramatic to say that I might never again play the sport, but I knew this day was coming. I knew for sometime now that there would be an end to my paintballing. I never wanted to be that old guy trying to keep up with kids my children's age. I knew that I would never wanted to play past a certain point in my life. I just didn't realize that point was coming a lot sooner than I thought. I've been in this territory before like I said. I am not coming back here again. This time I'm setting out for parts unknown planning to never loop back here again. And I am sad to say that statement.
No, I am not sad because I have to give paintball up. I'm sad because it's really the end of time in my life. The same statement can be said about many other turning points in life. You feel joy and nostalgia about the experience, but you are also sad that you not going back to the familiar. But things change and I would never trade experiences for youth any day.
I wrote this statement down right after I had gotten back after a really unpleasing day of a weekend long scenario paintball game. I never published the comment for a reason that as of right now escape me. I think that I may have worried that someone close to me that helped me attend the scenario game would be offended by my lack of appreciation. Since that day, I have played paintball only one other time. I did have fun, but as always I played at a cost. Paintball is not a sport that I can share with anyone other than my friends who play paintball. My wife doesn't want to go out the games just to sit in the parking lot waiting for my to come off the field. My sons at this point are not old enough to participate, and I really don't think that I want my oldest son getting into paintball. He would be so damaged if he ever were to get hurt in a game. My son would also not really understand the paintball game and a real battle. That means paintball pulls me away or at least drives a wedge in between my and my family. It means I never feel that good after the game as I do when I'm going to the game.
The result of all the factors listed is that for a while I have been thinking about ending my paintballing pastime. I've separated myself for paintball before. When I was a senior in high school I sold all my paintball gear because I stopped hanging out with anyone who played paintball. It's no fun when your the only one of your friends still holding on to something everyone else has given up. I moved on and grew up. Through circumstances of life I began to play paintball again during my early married life. I spent a lot of money to get where I am today. I really don't think that I can say that very much of the money I spent was worthwhile.
So, now I am at the same crossroad that I was back in my senior year of high school. It feels a bit like I circled round this long loop in life, and now I'm stumbling back on to the territory that found myself in all those years ago. What really scares me this time is that it feels like I am going to give up on paintball forever. It sounds a bit melodramatic to say that I might never again play the sport, but I knew this day was coming. I knew for sometime now that there would be an end to my paintballing. I never wanted to be that old guy trying to keep up with kids my children's age. I knew that I would never wanted to play past a certain point in my life. I just didn't realize that point was coming a lot sooner than I thought. I've been in this territory before like I said. I am not coming back here again. This time I'm setting out for parts unknown planning to never loop back here again. And I am sad to say that statement.
No, I am not sad because I have to give paintball up. I'm sad because it's really the end of time in my life. The same statement can be said about many other turning points in life. You feel joy and nostalgia about the experience, but you are also sad that you not going back to the familiar. But things change and I would never trade experiences for youth any day.
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