I know that today is Mother's day. I should be putting into words some glowing praise for my mom and for the mother of my children. I should but I won't today. It is heartless but I don't feel like I have a heart right now.
I have not been feeling myself at all lately. I should be ecstatic this week since this is the week I get to go to Agate, Co to play in the annual paintball war that I sign up for every year. But because of some financial miscalculations and this general mood of depression that I have been feeling I feel like calling the whole thing off. I really don't care right now. I have been trying so hard to keep it together for the kids and not blow up at them. I have been working at being supportive and not freaking out at my wife about all the problems we are having, now. I feel drained. I want to be happy but the feeling just will not come. Inside, I can hear the little voice telling me to lean on the Lord and all will be good. Part of me believes that, too. But is it a big enough part? I read the Psalms hoping to find something that might help me come out of this. I think I may have found something to help.
The passage talks about God as a Rock, Fortress, and a mountain. But what I am looking at is the passage the reads: "...my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold..." I am praying that the Lord can use the bit of me that wants to believe in his protection. I pray that God would work some kind of miracle in my life to bring me out of this pit.
1 comment:
As ever, I love you! You're steadfastness amazes me. I don't have any words of wisdom to bring you out of the depression you are feeling except to say God's word does not return void. It speaks truth into your spirit.
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