The Church Pt.3

"Hey wake up!" Tino was shaking me into wakefulness the next second. I opened my eyes to see Tino's eyes not more than inches away. "Wake up!" Tino continued shaking me not content with letting me wake up more steadily. I looked over to see that the girls were gone. I was wider awake then. Tino seeing me awake moved away from me to the window moonlight was fallen in given everything a blue hue. He seemed nervous and bobbed about looking to me like he were doing his best bird routine he could muster. I took a look around the room. It was the same room that I had fallen asleep in. Just like the penny that you find on the street corner dirty and greenish from years of circulation is the same as the newer penny tucked away in your pocket. It felt like I was going blind or having a really hard time focusing on my surrounding. It was the same room but older. Dirty and abandoned the room looked as if no one had been in it in more than seventy-five years. The shelves that I could have sworn held nicknacks and odd bites of the old couples life were empty or fallen down. The kitchen was empty the odd cabinet door had swung wide looking to me like empty eye sockets on a skull.

Where have I been?

I can't say that I am the best blogger out there, but I have been totally preoccupied these last couple months so that I could not even get to this blog. So, what has kept me from getting to my blog? Since February, I am still working at the court house and it seems to be going well. I like the interaction with the courts and the law. I have had some good experiences but I have also made some mistakes. The most notable of these was being reprimanded for inappropriate use of the internet at work. I was not happy about it but I am not going to make a big deal out of it since I was not using good officer safety in what I posted online. I will write a little more on this later.

As far as the family, Cale finished school on Thursday. He has a rough year at school. The teacher he had was a good teacher but Cale seemed to butt heads with her all the time. The school had him on a behavior action plan and we are going to send him to a psychologist this summer. I was not the best father for him through this. I would oscillate between supportive and down right oppressive. I had as much a problem with Cale's behavior as his teacher. I was both disappointed and ashamed of Cale. I know that this seems to be a horrible thing to say about your child but I have to be honest. I love my son but I don't know what to do about these problems. It is not as though I can use tools to just fix Cale's attitude. I have been trying to use more grace to work with Cale when he loses it. Dante has been growing big and strong. He is talking more and more each day. He does have his times, too. Dante gets so tired that he will literally get so confused about what he wants that he will seem schizophrenic. Ila is still developing into quite the little lady. She will do great at school next year. She is already got the teachers wrapped around her little finger. Ila does have a tendency to manipulate to much and that does drive me nuts. Scottlynn is a firecracker. Her red hair is not just pretty decoration. She is sweet until she doesn't get her way.

Lori and I got to go on a vacation all by ourselves. We went to Spokane and Courde lain in Idaho. It was a great time for the two of us. We had fun just being a couple. Lori and I have been trying to teach a Bible study at our church plant Faith Mountain. We have been at this church for the last seven months or so. I cannot say that the plant has been what I thought that it would be. I came with this plant to get away from a large church to find a place in the plant. The opposite happened to me though. I know that part of the reason that things have not worked out is that my own interests got in the way. I was thinking of myself more than the work of God. I thought it would be neat to be in leadership at a new church and be able to guide that church. But I was thinking about myself not of what God wanted for the church plant. Lori and I committed one year to this plant and we will do that year. At the end of the year we will go back to our old church. I think that I need to get back to a place where I can get more in tune with God not myself. Lori and I are also going back in order to get our children in a church program that has more structure and knows our kids better.

The only thing left to talk about is my big paintball adventure at the beginning of May. I have been playing more paintball more this year than anytime last year. I will post something on the adventure in another blog though. I am trying out my pump paintball marker this year and have giving up on semi-autos for now. I will talk more on that later. For now here's a picture of our newest baby a puppy we rescued just recently. We took her in a 5 1/2 weeks because the person giving her away was not willing to wait another couple weeks.

I believe fatherhood isn't science

I am the father of four, a husband, and a cop. I will admit that I am not the model of the perfect father. I have been mean toward my children at times. I have yelled at them when they were not doing anything other than having a good time. I have at times looked at my role as a father in terms of an Alpha male role making a point to show my sons who is boss. But none of this should be new to any father who is reading this. I believe fatherhood is not a science. It is not something that can be written down in terms that are universal or rational. Fatherhood is not guided by any set of rules other than the ones that each father makes in his own head. This is evidenced by the many bad fathers as by the many good fathers. We all have a vision of what we want to be as fathers.

When it comes to our kids though all our ideas get blown out of the water. We may want to play our favorite sport with our kids but what if they just aren't well coordinated. We want to read them bedtime stories but we can't get past the first page without losing their attention. All the things that we think we know become just sand blown in the wind. I try though and maybe that is the best that anyone can ask for. It should not be the only thing our kids deserve they deserve the best.