Trip to the Zoo

As my kids get older we starting having firsts and lasts.  Firsts are the obvious things such as my oldest son being first to finish elementary school and then first to go to middle school.  On the other end my youngest, Scotlynn, is having lasts.  She will be the last to finish elementary school and this year she is the last of my children to get to go the first grade Zoo trip.  I am not usually that cognizant of last moments.  So, it was my wife who had to point out this would be the last time I could go with one my children to the Zoo.  It sounded more like, “I am signing you up Zoo trip with Scotlynn, okay!”  I then asked why and she pointed out what was obvious to her that this was the last moment I would have to take any of my children to the Zoo with their class.  

I was happy to be signed up after being told the importance of the moment.  I got the day off and bought the prepacked lunches my daughter requested.  The only hiccup was that there would be no room for me on the bus.  I would have to drive myself and pay for myself.  I was fine with both as the idea of riding the bus full of first graders was an experience I would rather avoid.  So on the appointed day, I dropped the kids off at school and drove myself downtown to the Denver Zoo.  I left right away because my wife told me I would need to be there at the Zoo ready to help when the bus dropped off.  I was told the schedule was tight.  I arrived in good time, paid for my entrance, and headed toward the school entrance.  I was a bit shocked at the bustle of the school entrance.  It reminded me more of a busy downtown bus terminal more than a public zoo or maybe that was the other way round.  Buses from all over the local area and even from other parts of the state were arriving.  The Zoo staff being experienced in the mess had a line of buses disembarking students.  While other staff greeted new busses and prepared them to unload in their turn.  A staff member manned a white board with the names of the various schools listed.  As each bus would arrive he would mark down the time, bus number, and meeting location.  I noticed my daughters bus had not arrived as the schools name was present but no arrival time had been marked.  I walked over the flag where the school was supposed to meet after getting off the bus. 

I watched as bus after bus arrived and dropped off students from preschool to high school.  The arranged time for Scotlynn’s bus came and went.  I saw several buses from her school district come and go but none seemed to contain her class.  I walked over to the white board.  I noticed my daughters school had been marked down as arriving but how could that be I never saw anyone from Scotlynn’s school walk by me.  I made a frustrated call to my wife.  I was quite testy with her.  She was gracious enough to call my daughter’s teacher who informed my wife who then informed me the the bus had arrived they were waiting to get off.  My wife even supplied me a description what all the kids would be wearing as they were dressed similarly in order to be easier to keep track of.  I waited a little longer then finally the bus arrived and students matching my wife description got off and walked right past me into the Zoo.  No one acknowledged me and I didn’t see my daughter so I had no idea if that had been her class or not.  I then got a phone call from my wife stating they’d just walked by me.  I had to hurry to catch up with the group I’d been assigned.  Even despite the miserable start the day I had a lot of fun taking the kids around the Zoo.  I was amazed that we got from one end to the other seeing almost all the animals.  The six kids including my daughter listened really well and only at the end needed to be prodded into moving.  They walked and talked the whole time.  I have no idea what they learned but they saw a lot.  I took as many pictures as I could. 






It’s fun to get to do these things with Scotlynn.  I would love to hear any of you who have had a last that really meant something to you.  Please leave a comment, subscribe, and I look forward to posting more of my adventure for you.

Frat House Parenting

This weekend my lovely wife went out of town for a women's weekend retreat. I was left to care for my four beautiful children. I didn't know how to really prepare for this kind of weekend. I knew that it would be better not to get up tight over a change in the schedule.  It would be better to not expect to much.  I really didn't want to spend the whole weekend yelling or disciplining the kids. I have in the past put some thought into weekends like this.  I planned out the weekend with a list of events to go to or projects to do. I really like doing that because I feel like I have fun with the kids. 


This weekend the best I could do was to come up with the plan not to do to much. We have had a rough week recently. I had little to no energy going into this weekend. I didn't want to do anything at all but the kids are not old enough to look out for themselves. Case in point is my youngest daughter who is standing below on her side of her bedroom. My wife and I have tried to get her to clean up this side of the room many times this month. I even tried to bribe her this weekend. So far she still considers this clean.

After a few half hearted attempts to get the kids motivated to do anything other than sit around watching television all weekend, I decided I was parenting a fraternity. I was the housekeeper to some wild crazy frat.  Everywhere I turned I found pills of clothes, wrappers, and various other collections strewn about the house. I cleaned up what absolutely had to get cleaned up, but left the rest to wait till the party was over. I am not recommending this style for every parent. I know that my wife may not be happy with somethings when she gets home. I will end up cleaning it up in the end. It just helped to put the whole weekend into perspective. A fantasy to help me deal with the totality of the weekend.

I don't really have a good way to wrap this weekend up. I don't know that there is a theme other than the fact that sometimes we need to allow ourselves to just deal with what life gives us. I made lemonade with the lemons life was giving me. My wife finally returned home, and I am so glad that I don't have to go through life without her. I am so appreciative of the role she plays in my life and in the family. I hope to show her how much. 

Please comment on the ways you deal with difficult weekends and subscribe. Also, I will be sharing my mountain bike experiences again on a separate page on this blog in the header bar above.

It aint easy being a kid

The last few weeks since spring break have finished have been tough for my oldest son.  He is starting his transition into his home room more often than before.  This is preparation for middle school which is coming up next year.  He came home last night with a bad entry in his back and forth folder (daily teacher log).  Nothing of what the teacher wrote was bad.  I can understand why she was upset.  It's nearly the end of the year and she has a new student, essentially, who keeps blurting out random statements in order to get his classmates to start laughing.  Stuff that you would expect during the beginning of the year when you have time to let the student know what your expectations are. 

My wife and I spoke to my son about his behavior.  We tried to emphasize the idea that if he cannot make this transition into his home room he may not be ready for the middle school.  I hate telling him that but it's do or die time.  He will not have summer school this year cause the district cannot afford to send every special needs child.  I feel like such a shumk.  I don't feel like I am being a great dad to my son.  I feel like this overbearing boss man.  I don't want that way but my son really losses focus and needs to be brought back to task at hand.  I wish I could figure out a way to get through to him.  But that seems to be the real issue with being the parent of an autistic child.  Your always wishing your could get through the autism to your child who's just under the surface.  I am prayer that my wife and I can find ways to have fun with my oldest not just be his boss.

My wife is calling me to her side so that is all I have to say for now.  Please comment, subscribe, and let me know if you also struggle getting through to your kids.  What works for you?

Promises, Promises

I know that I had promised to get on to a series recently, but things changed.  I am really busy this summer with my summer work time schedule.  I am going to post about my mountain bike ride throughout the summer.  The summer is not a time I want to be stuck in front of my computer all night typing.  I suggest that we all take summer vacation from our technology for a little while.  A day or a week, it really doesn't matter we need sometime off to enjoy our life.  See more of you this fall.  Sincerely, The King.

Weekly Action Report

I have been trying to com up with a topic for this week, but I couldn't really think of anything that was heart felt.  I am going to use this blog to give everybody an update to some of the things that have been happen to me. 

For the new year, I had committed to spending one evening a week with each one of my children.  It has been a rough start because I had no real plan in mind.  I just wanted to spend time with each one them to get to know them each.  This week I took my oldest daughter to the ice cream shop.  I brought a small notebook with me.  I spent the time eating ice cream asking her some basic questions about her.  I wanted to write them down so that I could hold on to it and compare it with later lists.  I found out interesting aspects about my daughter.  I didn't know that she liked roller skating.  We have been roller skating maybe twice.  She got a pair of really good skates handed down to her from a friend.  Today when we went for a walk she skated around the block with us (as documented in the picture above).  The notes are a really simple idea but they paid off already with the discovery of my oldest daughter love of roller skating.

Our cat decided to go on the walk with us.

 
On another note, My wife has been battling a cold this week so this weekend we spent most of our time relaxing.  My youngest seems to be getting the cold now.  My wife and I were able to get away for a few hours on Saturday night.  I got an invitation to a celebration for participants in a charity event this past Christmas.  The best part was it was basically a free date.  We got one beverage and all the free food we could eat.  I had some great Buffalo Wings and Mozzarella Sticks (real health food).  We then drove up to a city park over looking the south metro area.  I really enjoyed the simplicity of the date.  I wish I'd had  more energy to enjoy my wife more fully. 

Seriously, the cat followed around the block.

On a final note, I am starting to read some more manhood books and parenting books.  I have a goal of putting together a mentoring lesson for my sons for our camping trip this summer.  My hope is that if I can get something put together this year and work with it I will be able to start a multi-family father-son camping trip next year.  I have fond childhood memories of my father-son camping trips.  I wanted to build those memories for my own sons.  I know that there are other men out there who also want to share similar experiences with their sons. 

Looking at the hundreds of parenting and manhood books that are available in my local library, I feel the need to read them all.  I know that I don't have that much time.  If any of you out there who reading this have any suggestion please leave a comment.  I would love to get some input into what other men had read and liked.  That's probably the most important part of the idea.  I love to hear what not to read, but I really want to know what books others have loved or been touched by.  Please let me know either way.  Till next time, I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Rage Issues

The last few weekends have been a nightmare.  I have not been this close to losing it with my kids for a few years.  I don't know what the root cause of the strife is, but I suspect that it has more of a spiritual attack than any physical factor.  (There's a topic for next week.) The kids have not been listening to me or my wife.  We have been trying to clean my daughter's room for three weeks, now.  I was not proud of the rage that I felt.  I showed my kids a side of myself that I don't like.

Rage is hard to deal with properly.  Especially when you cannot seem to calm yourself down.  I have been surprised at myself and my rage.  I always thought that men with anger problems at home were alcoholics or at least non-believers.  I never thought that I could possibly have problems dealing with my own anger.  That's where it started.  I was not realistic with myself.  I look back now and can recall angry moments as young man.  I never dealt with this anger.  I either repressed it or shunted it out of my life.  I never dealt with anger.  Anger isn't something that can be ignored for very long.

It is incorrect (I feel) to think of anger as only evil.  There is righteous anger that we can see demonstrated in Jesus' clearing of the temple courtyard.  Anger at injustice has spurred on many brave men and women throughout history.  So, anger has it's place inside us men and women.  But how do we deal with the uncontrollable rage that wells up inside when the kids are pushing our buttons.  Part of it starts with dealing with anger before you get angry.  Don't think anger will never come.  Anger is a part of you from early in your life.  I recently had to deal with several repressed issues in my life, and I found that they were at the root of a lot of my anger.  So, dealing with your inner turmoil is part of it.  I also like the strategies that "Love and Logic" taught me.  They teach not to take statements from your kids personally and kept your tone of voice calm and even.  The end result is like being a rock in a stormy sea.  The kids rage and yell at you trying to get a rise out of you.  But you stay calm through voice control and certain phrases.  Don't let them impart their anger onto you. 

What happens when I get angry anyways?  That's the hard part.  I don't know that I am yet an expert on calming down when I get worked up.  Somethings that have helped me over these weekends are stepping back and expressing my feelings.  Stepping back is important when you need to get your blood pressure back under control.  I have had some really good calming sessions while driving to my local coffee shop this last weekend.  When I get calm I then tried that other strategy.  I expressed my feelings to my kids and my wife.  I asked for forgiveness when I had done wrong, but I also let the kids know when they had hurt my emotions.  I found that they responded to my openness.  They expressed their hurts as well.  I felt more understood by them.  I don't know that they were able to work better but they tried harder.  I am trying to deal with my anger without letting it get out of control.  That's the best I can ask for right now.

That's about all I have to say for now.  What's some strategies that you us to deal with your anger?  Is the anger in your life caused by issues from your past?  Or do you need to express your emotions to your loved ones and ask for forgiveness?  Leave a comment about it.

Parenting Blindly

My Oldest Prince Joins the Denver Mounted Patrol

Recently, we took the kids to the National Western Stock Show.  It was exciting for all of us.  Last year, we went on the afternoon of the last day of the show because the tickets were cheap.  The problem is the tickets are cheap for a reason.  When we got there most of the show animals had left that morning.  On the trade show floor most of the booths were winding down so they had little to no interesting exhibits.  This year though we paid to see a competition and get there when show animals would still be around.  It was really fun.  The kids were very well behaved.  They got to see and even touch some show animals. 

My queen and I had many teachable moments during our visit.  I have been trying to create more of these moments with my kids.  My new years blog (click the title to read it) talked about my commitment to spending more time with my kids individually.  I am looking for those teachable moments where I can impart to my kids values and character I feel are important.  At the Stock Show, there are some great moments because of the fact that my kids are according to my Queen, "poor city kids."  They don't know a lot about big farm animals.  I don't know much either but we get to learn it together.  We also get to see the hard work that goes into show animals.

My youngest princess ready to ride

The Stock Show was a great parenting experience. I am finding that just taking my kids out without a clear plan in mind the rest of the time is not working very well.  We enjoy going out to get ice cream, but then we just sit there eating our ice cream and talking about frivolous topics.  "How was school today?" or "What would you like to do this summer?"  are good things to talk about but they don't really give me any openings to teach or impart things to my kids.  Actually focusing on my kids and their development is a lot harder than just doing the bare minimum.  I had an idea recently on some gifts that I could give to my princes to mark the transition from boy to young man.  Problem is, I don't want to just give them the items without some instruction on what being a man means.  Some of you might not have thought about before, but if you were given building tools without the proper training or instruction how could you build anything.  "You'd have to learn how to use the tools as you go," is what you might hear.  But doesn't that result in some missing fingers or some badly constructed projects?  Eventually, a person can learn how to use the tools they've been given but not without some pain.  Pain that can be diminished if not avoided with the proper training.  So, where am I going to find the proper instruction?  Unfortunately, our society doesn't really have the proper instructions. That's why so many men aren't really men.  I am going to have to craft instructions myself from my faith, my experience, and my heart.  Stay tuned to find out how it goes.

Well that's about all I have to say for now, God inspire me to give my kids the proper instruction to life in this world.  Amen.

New Bar Set High

Happy New Year!!  I am ready to meet this new year.  I am glad coming out of one of the best holiday seasons of my life.  I have been thinking about what is going to define me this year.  Last year, I made two commitments.  The first was that I would blog on a weekly basis.  I have to say that I pretty much succeeded in that goal.  If you have been following me you would have seen a new post from me every Sunday.  I didn't get every week but eighty to ninety percent is good enough for me.  As for my second goal, I determined to live a worry free life.  I don't know if I could say that I was successful in this goal, but I feel better about my life now than I did one year ago.  It took many battles and a lot of soul searching to get here but I feel less worried than before.  I stumble a lot though.  I still don't feel good about money, and I don't always parent the best way I can.

That brings me to the new goal that I will be setting for myself.  I will continue to blog.  I will now add to my weekly schedule taking one of my children out each week.  I don't really think that I can take them out to dinner, yet.  I plan to take them to library or get kids cones at the ice cream store.  I have been really thinking about who I am as a parent and a man.  I want to make an impact with my family.  I want to be a father to my kids.  I wanted to start ministering to others in my life, and I realized that my kids fall into that category.  They are more important though since God gave me them as an investment.  He wants to see a return for his trust in me.  I want to make sure when it's all done I can say that I made the effort to expand his investment even if I failed. 

That's about all I have to say for now.  God go before us all this year help us grow and heal each other.

Parenting Against my Nature

I am having been having a rough few weeks of being a parent this month.  My biggest problem is that my little angels are growing up.  Each of them is having a problem of some kind that altogether is draining my energy everyday.  My queen is feeling the same strain.  She has the hardest part which is that she has to live with the royal offspring almost twenty-four hours a day.  I don't envy her, but I also really appreciate what she does. 

Anyways, my youngest prince has been really having some huge temper fits.  He was one of the more easy going kids in the family until just recently.  I don't know what the change is about.  If he doesn't get the answer that he desires the first time he tumbles to the ground in a crying, screaming tantrum.  This is completely uncharacteristic for him.  My queen and I are completely at a loss to explain why he started this behavior.  My only idea is that he is displaying some kind of middle child thing.  He is the closet to middle that we have.  My youngest prince has to be feeling like his older brother gets most of my attention because of his autism.  I guess I am going to have to find a way to make my little prince feel special all by himself.  Simple right?  Here's hoping.

My oldest prince is doing better since we upped one of his medications.  I still haven't started the "talk" with him.  You may think it a little early at the age of ten, but with his autism I want to make sure that we get everything covered before real changes begin.  I have no idea what it will be like.  No one really knows.  My oldest prince's autism could have some effect on his puberty or none at all.  It's like playing Russian Roulette.  I have a fifty-fifty chance it will go off in my face.  Even though this sounds really depressing it is exciting to think that my children are getting older.  I would love it if I could have everything figured out before it changes just once.  I think that is part of the reason I parent with so much anger sometimes.  I am not good with change.  I like to get social situations figured out.  I don't like it when they change.  So, now I have to figure out how to parent despite my handicap.  I guess that is where God comes in.  God knows I need to fight myself, but he also gave me my kids for a reason.  I learn almost as much as I teach.  I learn to parent them and in turn God teaches them how to parent their own kids.  Wish me good luck. 
Happy Holidays and have a good week.

Lazy Saturday Ride

This Saturday my oldest princess, my youngest prince, and their friend came with me on a bike ride down the Lee Gulch trail here in Littleton.  We started out by making our lunches then packing up the hydration packs with water and food.  I had not even gotten dressed in my bike shorts when we ran into our first problem.  My princess' back tire was flat.  I had filled it up when doing my safety check of the kid’s bikes.  I didn't really have to more than five minutes and the tire was flat again.  Luckily, we had a secondary bike nearly the same size that would work.  I got dressed prepared my bike, and we were ready to go.  Not yet, once my princess' friend D showed up his chain was falling off.  No problem, the adjustable wrench worked its magic and off we rode.  We rode quickly through the streets getting on the trail.  Five minutes on the trail, D lost his chain again.  I made a quick repair with my chain tool removing a link from the chain.  I figured if the chain kept falling off it was either the wrong chain size or it had stretched out to much.

We finally got on the trail.  I didn't really know if I could keep everyone together on the ride.  My princess and D started out strong leading the way.  My prince struggled up the hills but did pretty good. We recently got him a bigger bike.  I am really glad since the larger tire size means he moves more easily.  D and my princess stayed in the lead till we got to the lunch spot.  I chose a bench near a lake on the trail.  D wanted to show us his secret hide out that lay near the lake in a grove of trees, but I asked him if we could locate it another day.  We got out the turkey sandwiches and trail mix.  My prince asked me if the lake was safe to swim in.  I looked out over the brown water, and I observed the half dozen ducks swimming in the mirror still water.  I told my prince that I really didn't think that it was safe water to swim in.  D chimed in saying that it was probably full of gross stuff.  Yep, ducks got to poop somewhere I pointed out.


Once everyone was fed we were back on the trail.  Everyone rode really well.  Our destination was a dirt jump park setup by the parks and rec.  D was great at keeping the other two going even after they started getting tired.  Both the prince and princess alone don't really have the motivation to make it as far as we were going but with D there he gave them a reason to keep going.  I was so proud of them.  We rode a lot faster than I thought we would.  We arrived at the jump park in little under forty minutes.  When we got there I took one look at the size of the jumps and thought this whole trip might have been a bad idea.  Personally, I look at the jumps and they don't really look all that big.  I am not saying that they are tiny by any means.  To give you some perspective to the size the largest jump is about as high as my shoulder (my height being 5'10").

Taking all the kids sizes into account, I thought they would be too intimidated by the jumps to try.  I was proved wrong right away when D just tore right down the hill toward the biggest jump.  He cleared it without any problem.  He then cleared three more jumps in a row.  My prince took his run next.  The prince like D went for the biggest jump.  To my relief he cleared the top, but then my heart skipped when he turned sharply to the right.  These are table top jumps so imagine a vertical dirt ramp up to a flat top then another steep ramp down the other side.  If one stays straight you'll clear it no problem but off to left or right the sides just drop straight off.  The prince turned sharp right on the top flat move his butt behind his seat and rode down the straight vertical side, pretty impressive for a six year old.  Then I got my turn at a run.  My princess was not going to have any of it, so she would just watch.  I made a couple of small jumps nothing to impressive.  I thought I should give the large jump a try since a six year old made it.  I tore down the hill right up to the jump.  I braked a little too much before hitting it so I was pedaling right up the face.  I cleared the top, though.  Great, I did what a six year old could now on to second jump.  I rolled off the top of the first and toward the second table top.  I don't remember if I had enough speed going into the second, but I can tell you I cleared the top.  Once my front tire cleared, I clearly remember questioning myself as to why I had turned my front slightly to the right.  Before I could answer though physics caught me.  My front tire hit the downward side of the second jump at a slight right angle.  I could see the tire in slow motion lose traction then continue on to right sliding sideways.  I hit hard on my left side taking most of fall in my shoulder and bicep.  God has blessed me with a great instinct on how to take a fall.  Ask my wife and she'll tell you about the time I got throw forward off a horse.

After freeing my foot from under the bike (luckily my feet popped out of the clips), I dusted off and tried again.  This time I didn't fall but I was starting to fell it in my back.  We rode home on the street to save time.  D had to get home on time his mother was taking him somewhere.  I was really happy on the trip home, and I hope that this is the start of a great family activity to share with friends.  To end I will leave you with the only injury I sustained from my fall.  Have a great week.