Frat House Parenting

This weekend my lovely wife went out of town for a women's weekend retreat. I was left to care for my four beautiful children. I didn't know how to really prepare for this kind of weekend. I knew that it would be better not to get up tight over a change in the schedule.  It would be better to not expect to much.  I really didn't want to spend the whole weekend yelling or disciplining the kids. I have in the past put some thought into weekends like this.  I planned out the weekend with a list of events to go to or projects to do. I really like doing that because I feel like I have fun with the kids. 


This weekend the best I could do was to come up with the plan not to do to much. We have had a rough week recently. I had little to no energy going into this weekend. I didn't want to do anything at all but the kids are not old enough to look out for themselves. Case in point is my youngest daughter who is standing below on her side of her bedroom. My wife and I have tried to get her to clean up this side of the room many times this month. I even tried to bribe her this weekend. So far she still considers this clean.

After a few half hearted attempts to get the kids motivated to do anything other than sit around watching television all weekend, I decided I was parenting a fraternity. I was the housekeeper to some wild crazy frat.  Everywhere I turned I found pills of clothes, wrappers, and various other collections strewn about the house. I cleaned up what absolutely had to get cleaned up, but left the rest to wait till the party was over. I am not recommending this style for every parent. I know that my wife may not be happy with somethings when she gets home. I will end up cleaning it up in the end. It just helped to put the whole weekend into perspective. A fantasy to help me deal with the totality of the weekend.

I don't really have a good way to wrap this weekend up. I don't know that there is a theme other than the fact that sometimes we need to allow ourselves to just deal with what life gives us. I made lemonade with the lemons life was giving me. My wife finally returned home, and I am so glad that I don't have to go through life without her. I am so appreciative of the role she plays in my life and in the family. I hope to show her how much. 

Please comment on the ways you deal with difficult weekends and subscribe. Also, I will be sharing my mountain bike experiences again on a separate page on this blog in the header bar above.

It aint easy being a kid

The last few weeks since spring break have finished have been tough for my oldest son.  He is starting his transition into his home room more often than before.  This is preparation for middle school which is coming up next year.  He came home last night with a bad entry in his back and forth folder (daily teacher log).  Nothing of what the teacher wrote was bad.  I can understand why she was upset.  It's nearly the end of the year and she has a new student, essentially, who keeps blurting out random statements in order to get his classmates to start laughing.  Stuff that you would expect during the beginning of the year when you have time to let the student know what your expectations are. 

My wife and I spoke to my son about his behavior.  We tried to emphasize the idea that if he cannot make this transition into his home room he may not be ready for the middle school.  I hate telling him that but it's do or die time.  He will not have summer school this year cause the district cannot afford to send every special needs child.  I feel like such a shumk.  I don't feel like I am being a great dad to my son.  I feel like this overbearing boss man.  I don't want that way but my son really losses focus and needs to be brought back to task at hand.  I wish I could figure out a way to get through to him.  But that seems to be the real issue with being the parent of an autistic child.  Your always wishing your could get through the autism to your child who's just under the surface.  I am prayer that my wife and I can find ways to have fun with my oldest not just be his boss.

My wife is calling me to her side so that is all I have to say for now.  Please comment, subscribe, and let me know if you also struggle getting through to your kids.  What works for you?

Defining Manhood (To my Son's Generation)

My oldest at the race track.

Last week, we had the racing event of the month at the kids Awana's program.  It is that time of year for the wooden car grand prix.  All my kids got to participate this year.  My oldest son won second in speed last year.  So, I felt like I had some pressure this year to help him build the fastest car we could.  My oldest doesn't quite understand winning and losing.  He's autistic and that means he believes that if he has his car perfect it will always win.  Put that on top of the fact that very few competitions kids get into have actual losers. I was dreading the idea of him losing.  Not because I don't want him to lose but because he throws a fit when he does.  I want him to learn the lesson that you don't always win but it's also hard to see him go through the pain.

This age is hard for men like me and kids like mine.  We don't really know what it means to strive for anything.  I was not raised to think everybody wins at everything, but I have had my life disappointments due the fact that I expected to have what my parents had coming out of high school.  My kids will have it much worse.  I really try to teach them about losing and winning, but the school system and popular culture works against me.  My oldest son won third in "Most Realistic Design" which is great, but is that the whole point of racing.  Isn't it to win the race?  Should we have tried harder to make cars that win races?

Victory!!!

Competition is good.  Kids need to learn that they don't always win.  Over this weekend we watched a movie about the X Games.  My family loves the grandeur of watching men defy gravity and push human limits.  I loved what Shaun White said during one of his interviews.  He stated that he loved coming in 4th or even 5th in a competition.  Shaun White is an olympic medalist in snowboarding and a medalist in X Games for both snowboard and skateboard events.  He said that coming in anything other than first gives him that fire or drive to go back to practice track and prefect his technique.  I could not say it better myself.  My kids don't need to win all the time because they may need that motivation to try harder.  And losing doesn't always mean you lose to some stranger or enemy.

The last competition in the movie is Skateboard Big Air.  The competitors Bob Burnquist and Danny Way are friends outside of X Games but were competing against each other in this event.  Danny and Bob preformed some amazing tricks.  Danny got hurt not once but twice during his runs.  You can see the concern of Bob written all over his face while watching his friend get up and try again.  To me (this is only my opinion of the events) it gives my kids a great example of competition that draws a pair of friends closer.  Whoever wins or loses competition brings us closer not farther apart.

Parenting Blindly

My Oldest Prince Joins the Denver Mounted Patrol

Recently, we took the kids to the National Western Stock Show.  It was exciting for all of us.  Last year, we went on the afternoon of the last day of the show because the tickets were cheap.  The problem is the tickets are cheap for a reason.  When we got there most of the show animals had left that morning.  On the trade show floor most of the booths were winding down so they had little to no interesting exhibits.  This year though we paid to see a competition and get there when show animals would still be around.  It was really fun.  The kids were very well behaved.  They got to see and even touch some show animals. 

My queen and I had many teachable moments during our visit.  I have been trying to create more of these moments with my kids.  My new years blog (click the title to read it) talked about my commitment to spending more time with my kids individually.  I am looking for those teachable moments where I can impart to my kids values and character I feel are important.  At the Stock Show, there are some great moments because of the fact that my kids are according to my Queen, "poor city kids."  They don't know a lot about big farm animals.  I don't know much either but we get to learn it together.  We also get to see the hard work that goes into show animals.

My youngest princess ready to ride

The Stock Show was a great parenting experience. I am finding that just taking my kids out without a clear plan in mind the rest of the time is not working very well.  We enjoy going out to get ice cream, but then we just sit there eating our ice cream and talking about frivolous topics.  "How was school today?" or "What would you like to do this summer?"  are good things to talk about but they don't really give me any openings to teach or impart things to my kids.  Actually focusing on my kids and their development is a lot harder than just doing the bare minimum.  I had an idea recently on some gifts that I could give to my princes to mark the transition from boy to young man.  Problem is, I don't want to just give them the items without some instruction on what being a man means.  Some of you might not have thought about before, but if you were given building tools without the proper training or instruction how could you build anything.  "You'd have to learn how to use the tools as you go," is what you might hear.  But doesn't that result in some missing fingers or some badly constructed projects?  Eventually, a person can learn how to use the tools they've been given but not without some pain.  Pain that can be diminished if not avoided with the proper training.  So, where am I going to find the proper instruction?  Unfortunately, our society doesn't really have the proper instructions. That's why so many men aren't really men.  I am going to have to craft instructions myself from my faith, my experience, and my heart.  Stay tuned to find out how it goes.

Well that's about all I have to say for now, God inspire me to give my kids the proper instruction to life in this world.  Amen.