Trip to the Zoo

As my kids get older we starting having firsts and lasts.  Firsts are the obvious things such as my oldest son being first to finish elementary school and then first to go to middle school.  On the other end my youngest, Scotlynn, is having lasts.  She will be the last to finish elementary school and this year she is the last of my children to get to go the first grade Zoo trip.  I am not usually that cognizant of last moments.  So, it was my wife who had to point out this would be the last time I could go with one my children to the Zoo.  It sounded more like, “I am signing you up Zoo trip with Scotlynn, okay!”  I then asked why and she pointed out what was obvious to her that this was the last moment I would have to take any of my children to the Zoo with their class.  

I was happy to be signed up after being told the importance of the moment.  I got the day off and bought the prepacked lunches my daughter requested.  The only hiccup was that there would be no room for me on the bus.  I would have to drive myself and pay for myself.  I was fine with both as the idea of riding the bus full of first graders was an experience I would rather avoid.  So on the appointed day, I dropped the kids off at school and drove myself downtown to the Denver Zoo.  I left right away because my wife told me I would need to be there at the Zoo ready to help when the bus dropped off.  I was told the schedule was tight.  I arrived in good time, paid for my entrance, and headed toward the school entrance.  I was a bit shocked at the bustle of the school entrance.  It reminded me more of a busy downtown bus terminal more than a public zoo or maybe that was the other way round.  Buses from all over the local area and even from other parts of the state were arriving.  The Zoo staff being experienced in the mess had a line of buses disembarking students.  While other staff greeted new busses and prepared them to unload in their turn.  A staff member manned a white board with the names of the various schools listed.  As each bus would arrive he would mark down the time, bus number, and meeting location.  I noticed my daughters bus had not arrived as the schools name was present but no arrival time had been marked.  I walked over the flag where the school was supposed to meet after getting off the bus. 

I watched as bus after bus arrived and dropped off students from preschool to high school.  The arranged time for Scotlynn’s bus came and went.  I saw several buses from her school district come and go but none seemed to contain her class.  I walked over to the white board.  I noticed my daughters school had been marked down as arriving but how could that be I never saw anyone from Scotlynn’s school walk by me.  I made a frustrated call to my wife.  I was quite testy with her.  She was gracious enough to call my daughter’s teacher who informed my wife who then informed me the the bus had arrived they were waiting to get off.  My wife even supplied me a description what all the kids would be wearing as they were dressed similarly in order to be easier to keep track of.  I waited a little longer then finally the bus arrived and students matching my wife description got off and walked right past me into the Zoo.  No one acknowledged me and I didn’t see my daughter so I had no idea if that had been her class or not.  I then got a phone call from my wife stating they’d just walked by me.  I had to hurry to catch up with the group I’d been assigned.  Even despite the miserable start the day I had a lot of fun taking the kids around the Zoo.  I was amazed that we got from one end to the other seeing almost all the animals.  The six kids including my daughter listened really well and only at the end needed to be prodded into moving.  They walked and talked the whole time.  I have no idea what they learned but they saw a lot.  I took as many pictures as I could. 






It’s fun to get to do these things with Scotlynn.  I would love to hear any of you who have had a last that really meant something to you.  Please leave a comment, subscribe, and I look forward to posting more of my adventure for you.

Frat House Parenting

This weekend my lovely wife went out of town for a women's weekend retreat. I was left to care for my four beautiful children. I didn't know how to really prepare for this kind of weekend. I knew that it would be better not to get up tight over a change in the schedule.  It would be better to not expect to much.  I really didn't want to spend the whole weekend yelling or disciplining the kids. I have in the past put some thought into weekends like this.  I planned out the weekend with a list of events to go to or projects to do. I really like doing that because I feel like I have fun with the kids. 


This weekend the best I could do was to come up with the plan not to do to much. We have had a rough week recently. I had little to no energy going into this weekend. I didn't want to do anything at all but the kids are not old enough to look out for themselves. Case in point is my youngest daughter who is standing below on her side of her bedroom. My wife and I have tried to get her to clean up this side of the room many times this month. I even tried to bribe her this weekend. So far she still considers this clean.

After a few half hearted attempts to get the kids motivated to do anything other than sit around watching television all weekend, I decided I was parenting a fraternity. I was the housekeeper to some wild crazy frat.  Everywhere I turned I found pills of clothes, wrappers, and various other collections strewn about the house. I cleaned up what absolutely had to get cleaned up, but left the rest to wait till the party was over. I am not recommending this style for every parent. I know that my wife may not be happy with somethings when she gets home. I will end up cleaning it up in the end. It just helped to put the whole weekend into perspective. A fantasy to help me deal with the totality of the weekend.

I don't really have a good way to wrap this weekend up. I don't know that there is a theme other than the fact that sometimes we need to allow ourselves to just deal with what life gives us. I made lemonade with the lemons life was giving me. My wife finally returned home, and I am so glad that I don't have to go through life without her. I am so appreciative of the role she plays in my life and in the family. I hope to show her how much. 

Please comment on the ways you deal with difficult weekends and subscribe. Also, I will be sharing my mountain bike experiences again on a separate page on this blog in the header bar above.

It aint easy being a kid

The last few weeks since spring break have finished have been tough for my oldest son.  He is starting his transition into his home room more often than before.  This is preparation for middle school which is coming up next year.  He came home last night with a bad entry in his back and forth folder (daily teacher log).  Nothing of what the teacher wrote was bad.  I can understand why she was upset.  It's nearly the end of the year and she has a new student, essentially, who keeps blurting out random statements in order to get his classmates to start laughing.  Stuff that you would expect during the beginning of the year when you have time to let the student know what your expectations are. 

My wife and I spoke to my son about his behavior.  We tried to emphasize the idea that if he cannot make this transition into his home room he may not be ready for the middle school.  I hate telling him that but it's do or die time.  He will not have summer school this year cause the district cannot afford to send every special needs child.  I feel like such a shumk.  I don't feel like I am being a great dad to my son.  I feel like this overbearing boss man.  I don't want that way but my son really losses focus and needs to be brought back to task at hand.  I wish I could figure out a way to get through to him.  But that seems to be the real issue with being the parent of an autistic child.  Your always wishing your could get through the autism to your child who's just under the surface.  I am prayer that my wife and I can find ways to have fun with my oldest not just be his boss.

My wife is calling me to her side so that is all I have to say for now.  Please comment, subscribe, and let me know if you also struggle getting through to your kids.  What works for you?

Juggling Masculinity

I was watching my oldest prince trying to learn how to juggle two oranges this evening before bedtime.  He would throw one orange way up into the air then try and transfer the other orange from one hand to other before trying to catch the falling orange.  Most of the time my prince would get the orange in hand shuffled without any trouble, but he often would miss the falling orange.  Sometimes it would have fallen too far, or it would bounce off his finger tips.  The whole time he is intently looking at himself in his closet mirror.

Watching him I was reminded of my conversation with my wife this evening while preparing dinner.  We were talking about the conflicting attributes of manhood.  I told my wife, "I am a husband, a father, a cop, and a man, and a Christian.  I have to juggle all those things at once."  Watching my oldest prince, I wonder how many attributes he will have to start "juggling" as he starts his journey toward manhood.  I am reading a book titled "Iron John" by Robert Bly.  It is a study on manhood through the Grimm's fairy tale of Iron John.  I have been really searching my masculinity probing it to better understand myself.  I am struck by how conflicted some of the parts of my manhood can be.  The father in me wants to teach, to protect my princes and princess' from life's pitfalls.  The husband in me wants to serve only my wife, and love her with all my being.  The man inside wants to bellow to the heavens and burns with a wild energy.  The cop in me wants to serve and protect the public.  The "Christian" (this is the American version not what the Bible really teaches) in me wants to hug puppies and judge others for their short comings.  I cannot possibly be everyone of those people at once.  I don't want to be some of those people any time.  On top of all those people, I have this lazy, cowardly, and hateful thing that wants to suck all the life out of my life.

I know that I am moving closer to the point when I can begin to understand when each attribute is needed.  Think of it like a set golf clubs you use a particular club for a particular golf shot.  My masculine attributes are only to be used in certain situations where they are needed.  Sometimes it may be that two or three attributes are needed at the same time, but right now the hardest thing to understand is how each attribute works and what are it's limitations.

What attributes do you juggle with?  How do they work?  And what are their limitations?  Let me know what you think.  Well that's about all I have to say about that, God help our nation's men.  We need to find our holy masculinity, again.

Learning to be myself

 I am an avid listener to the Podcast "This I Believe."  I have mentioned in previous posts that I wish to submit an essay to the organization but cannot seem to come up with the right essay.  This weeks essay (which you can listen to by clicking on the title above) was about the life lessons that one man learned while hunting with his father.  I am not an avid hunter so I won't try and bore you with a post about what I might be missing by not hunting.  Instead, I immediately thought of the activities in my own life that I share with my children.

I share the activity of biking my oldest princess and my youngest prince.  I taught both of them to ride their bikes without training wheels within twenty-four hours.  It really was simple.  I was patient and kind with both of them as we worked through their fears and set backs.  I am not normally a patient man especially with my kids.  I am scary often overbearing.  So, it surprised me that I was able to get both my princess and prince from not even being able to balance on training wheels to a two hour journey a few weeks ago.  I am a different man on a bike.  I don't feel frustrations the same way as when I am on the ground.  I understand that I have limits, and I accept that not everyone will be able to ride at the same level.  I forgive myself.  I feel a bound stronger than steel with my kids when I am leading them down the road.

The challenge now is to find that same bounding activity with my oldest prince and youngest princess.  Each one of them presents separate challenges.  My oldest son is Autistic which makes him very unique.  He and I run on similar batteries but they aren't 100% compatible.  My youngest daughter is a fiery red head with spirit.  If you think this is sounds pat it's not.  She is exactly as described.  The challenge with her is merely age.  As young as she is now, I just need to take her the nearest 7-11 to get snacks and that is special to her.  I wonder what she will want to do when she's thirteen?  But isn't that the challenge?  As dad's we have to meet our kids half way in their lives to get to know them and conversely they get to know us.   They see use through our activities and we get to see them.  We just have to be open to trying out what brings our children joy.  Good Luck.