The last few weekends have been a nightmare. I have not been this close to losing it with my kids for a few years. I don't know what the root cause of the strife is, but I suspect that it has more of a spiritual attack than any physical factor. (There's a topic for next week.) The kids have not been listening to me or my wife. We have been trying to clean my daughter's room for three weeks, now. I was not proud of the rage that I felt. I showed my kids a side of myself that I don't like.
Rage is hard to deal with properly. Especially when you cannot seem to calm yourself down. I have been surprised at myself and my rage. I always thought that men with anger problems at home were alcoholics or at least non-believers. I never thought that I could possibly have problems dealing with my own anger. That's where it started. I was not realistic with myself. I look back now and can recall angry moments as young man. I never dealt with this anger. I either repressed it or shunted it out of my life. I never dealt with anger. Anger isn't something that can be ignored for very long.
It is incorrect (I feel) to think of anger as only evil. There is righteous anger that we can see demonstrated in Jesus' clearing of the temple courtyard. Anger at injustice has spurred on many brave men and women throughout history. So, anger has it's place inside us men and women. But how do we deal with the uncontrollable rage that wells up inside when the kids are pushing our buttons. Part of it starts with dealing with anger before you get angry. Don't think anger will never come. Anger is a part of you from early in your life. I recently had to deal with several repressed issues in my life, and I found that they were at the root of a lot of my anger. So, dealing with your inner turmoil is part of it. I also like the strategies that "Love and Logic" taught me. They teach not to take statements from your kids personally and kept your tone of voice calm and even. The end result is like being a rock in a stormy sea. The kids rage and yell at you trying to get a rise out of you. But you stay calm through voice control and certain phrases. Don't let them impart their anger onto you.
What happens when I get angry anyways? That's the hard part. I don't know that I am yet an expert on calming down when I get worked up. Somethings that have helped me over these weekends are stepping back and expressing my feelings. Stepping back is important when you need to get your blood pressure back under control. I have had some really good calming sessions while driving to my local coffee shop this last weekend. When I get calm I then tried that other strategy. I expressed my feelings to my kids and my wife. I asked for forgiveness when I had done wrong, but I also let the kids know when they had hurt my emotions. I found that they responded to my openness. They expressed their hurts as well. I felt more understood by them. I don't know that they were able to work better but they tried harder. I am trying to deal with my anger without letting it get out of control. That's the best I can ask for right now.
That's about all I have to say for now. What's some strategies that you us to deal with your anger? Is the anger in your life caused by issues from your past? Or do you need to express your emotions to your loved ones and ask for forgiveness? Leave a comment about it.
