Manly Man?

What is it to be a man?  That's not an easy question to answer; I know that millions of men before me have tried to answer that question.  My friends and I are starting to read a book titled "Iron John: A book about Men" by Robert Bly.  We are meeting as a group of Christ believers, men, fathers, singles, and husbands.  I haven't even been able to start the book yet, but I have participated in the discussions.  I was struck by the need in the group for many of men to come to terms with their jobs.  I heard quite a few men agonize over some desk job that made them feel more a trapped than a fulfilled.  I didn't saying anything during this discussion because of my profession.  I am a cop.  I am living the dream of thousands of boys and men.  And yet, as a cop why do I feel less like a man so many times?  What's happening?

It's not something that I can really accurately describe to everyone.  I have learned how to shoot, drive, and fight over the past six years of my life.  Still, there are times when I am cowardly and to scared to get out of my own car.  Most of the time, I am oblivious to the danger that I face everyday.  I get numb to it.  There are other times in my career when I have just shut down with terror at the people I come into contact with.  Why is it that I live the ultimate man's job everyday, but I don't always feel like a man sometimes? 

I don't think that I have all the answers for this problem.  I know one thing that gives me courage.  Several times during my job I have stopped and prayed for various things.  A back bone, calm, and ideas have all been on my pray list.  I know that each time I pray I get what I need in some form.  So, one thing that makes me feel more like a man is not the guns or the cars but the faith that I wield.  But that can be fleeting if I don't stay God centered.  Another thing that I know gets me out of the car is my own stubbornness.  I am my own worst drill sergeant.  I talk myself into an idea or plan of action.  Often, I am presented with easier ways out.  I have to make the harder decisions because they are usually the right ones.

In the end, I don't think that any man can say that a career gives him the fulfillment he is looking for in life.  I know God gives me the most life I could ever handle.  Sometimes it's hard to live up to even courage that God gives.  It can be scary not to fear.  Other times you’re your only life coach.  You have to give yourself that inner motivation.  What makes you feel fulfilled in your life? 

Have a good week and may the Lord keep you safe.

The Ghost of My Christmas

Here I am again. Checking in to make sure that I still exist. I am nearing the end of the FTI phase III, and I feel like a ghost. I didn't think that I would feel like a ghost after going through the FTI program. Many people have said it before that they felt like ghosts going through FTI. I don't really have anything to talk about FTI it is going well. I am more worried about getting off FTI. It is easy when you have someone riding with you, and you can consult about different calls. I am suddenly realizing that at the end of it I will be on my own. I knew that was coming but nothing gets my blood pressure up more than the thought that I am going to be on my own. It will take a little getting used to. But like everyone else says I may not be ready now, but I will be ready.

I need to stop giving so much blog space to my FTI and start talking about the rest of my life. I hosted my first men's ministry event at Faith Mountain last night. It was a father/child Wii bowling night. It was not a bad attendance, but God was gracious and three men showed up with their children. Pat was there with his daughter Jesse as well. That is more than I ever expected to come. I have to say that I am really glad that some men were willing to take time out of their week night to have fun with their children. I have a feeling that I may have hit on the secret for Faith Mountain's men's ministry. The father/child relationship is one of the most precious gifts that God gives a man. Many men have goofed that relationship up, and many more men are just not sure what to do as a father. Fatherhood is one of jobs that doesn't come with any instruction or prerequisites to qualify for the job. I will pray that we get some more interest from men in the church. I am encouraged for the coming year. Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.